Transcendental: Third Book In Progress
For the past several months, I’ve been working on my third book. In a lot of ways, similar to my first book, it’s been manifesting through journal entries, and this is exactly what I’ve needed to make this story, or series of stories, deeply personal and deeply riveting.
I’m having a truth-telling moment as I revisit my past and ultimately realize that what was created in the past is already in formation; there’s no way or no need for me to rebuild what has already happened, and in order for me to move forward, I have to accept this. Otherwise, I’m stuck in this dungeon of reliving the same traumatic experiences over and over again, instead of reaching a place of peace.
That’s in essence what my third book is about.
At first I thought this would be a self-help book, but the more I write, the more I’m sure it’s a fictional piece that reveals my inner fear and workings, and perhaps the inner fear and workings of others. What’s going on inside of us can feel like a scary place and I want to touch on that, and bring an image to that in a way that a self-help book, at this point in time, might not capture.
The general premise follows a character as they go through different layers of fear: Fear of familiarity, loneliness, rejection/not being good enough, etc. Each fear manifests itself in different ways, ways that are equally haunting while also revelatory.
I hope to spark discussion around our own internalized fears and the very things that haunt us on a daily basis. The things we push our psyche from fully experiencing because we turn to substances for comfort, or maybe even attach ourselves to the wrong people to love us, or gorge on social media likes and shares to feel valued, or use other addictions as a way to stifle what we truly feel, no matter how unpleasant at the moment.
This book in and of itself is a manifesto of my own tribulations and how I’ve hid from the very fears that have created darkness inside of me. How I’ve pushed them away by indulging in other things to take my mind off of the inner turmoil that was occurring. How metaphorically I hid more and more stuff under my bed until I couldn’t sleep anymore, clutter and junk taking up my place of rest. And now it’s time to shed light on those fears. To breathe again. To be at peace and to find stillness.
For research, I’m re-reading Bram Stoker’s “Dracula.” I’m also reading several works by Kafka, as well as Dante’s “The Inferno,” each giving me more clarity into the darkness of fears internalized, how we work through layers that can create defining moments in our lives. It’s also a chance to explore what can symbolize the imbalance of living at peace with ourselves and obstruct us from experiencing what we need when it happens–the unpleasantness that exists in some moments–instead of turning from it in search of a better or “happier” feeling.
In reality happiness and sadness are only temporary, but peace can be everlasting if we know how to live in the now.
This is the narrative I’m working on and who knows how long it will take me to finish, but on this journey I hope to find enlightenment through the grotesqueness of my own demons and live again in a headspace where I feel safe and in alignment with what is.
Thank you.
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