My Reaction to Being Called the “N-Word”
There are many moments in my life where I have felt oppressed, but being called “nigger” is no longer one of them.
Despite the larger bubble of oppression that I have to deal with, there are small things I can do to de-emphasize the power of those who view themselves as more dominant because they are white. This starts by not acknowledging people who call me “nigger.”
I’ll begin by confirming that yes, I am still called “nigger.” My Facebook Author page is only one example of a space where people will target me with racial slurs and insults. A post as simple as showing support for the Black Lives Matter movement will elicit hateful comments.
Public spaces can also be difficult to navigate. While recently walking to a restaurant, a gentleman yelled as he passed me and another woman of color by that he was tired of seeing monkey niggers.
Having hate speech hurled at me or reading words like “stupid fucking nigger” on my social media page can be, for a split second, jarring. However, once I realize that I have the power to not respond, or even remove/disregard comments on online spaces–especially for those who will comment repeatedly in an attempt to draw out an immediate and direct response–I shift from being the victim to the one in control.
The word “nigger” initially puts the power in the hands of the person doing the addressing, while the addressee becomes the victim. Whether the person who’s addressed reacts angrily or with distress, the word has taken an effect. This is only natural as calling someone a racial slur is meant to provoke a reaction. For me, however, by not offering a response, I’m taking control of the situation.
I’m making a conscious effort to not be reactionary, but instead neutral.
As learned in applied behavioral science, this is referred to as the extinction procedure, or preventing a behavior to continue by not acknowledging it.
Oftentimes, the extinction procedure is applied to children when they launch into a tantrum or other grandiose behavior with the expectation of provoking a reaction, whether that reaction is negative or positive. When they are not given the attention they desire, the behavior subsides.
By not providing the anticipated reaction of being called “nigger” to the person who wishes to ignite confrontation or pain, this eliminates the authority that they had hoped to achieve.
Differences in Power: Black vs. White
Being called a racial slur is only one form of discrimination that is intended to revoke power of black and brown community members.
In fact racial slurs work in tandem with institutionalized racism and even hate crimes, perpetuating a system of oppression. This is why I find it key to start breaking down stratospheres of power and class that Western Culture assigns according to race, by doing something as small as not reacting to hate speech.
Statistically, for example, if I have a “black-sounding” name, then I have a lesser chance of getting a job compared to a white counterpart even with the same level of or more experience. Dating is tricky, as black women and men, as well as Asian males are rated as the least attractive thanks in part to harmful tropes and inaccurate stereotypes that regularly play out through fictional television shows and movies. Coupled with the socialization of a white standard of beauty, people who are black are normally misrepresented on screen or locked into specific negative archetypes such as being uneducated, loud and obnoxious, thug-like, and crude.
If not for incredibly gifted writers like Shonda Rhimes and her wildly successful television shows “Grey’s Anatomy,” “How to Get Away with Murder,” and “Scandal,” the push for normalized television that represents a bevy of races in different archetypes might still be difficult to come by.
I’m more likely to be pulled over by police officers for a traffic infraction, killed on the spot, and then later blamed for my death, while a white counterpart can maul the face off of a stranger or kill several members in a community church and live to stand trial.
Although there are ample examples I could continue to delve into on how my blackness remains a catalyst for various forms of systemic oppression, there are some who do not believe that minorities or people of color are still oppressed.
These people often victim blame or victim shame communities of black and brown members, placing the onus on those who are powerless to reconstruct their lives in a space that’s inherently designed to see them fail.
An example of this is through our public education system, where funding is linked to property taxes. In essence, the wealthier you are or the better the neighborhood that you live in, then the higher the quality of education you have access to.
Spoiler alert: white Americans hold the majority of the nation’s wealth. Let’s dig deeper into this by first noting the difference between wealth and income. Wealth is the value of one’s total assets minus liabilities whereas income only measures how much a person makes annually.
Picture person A who inherits a home worth $1MIL and has an annual income of $70K. Next, picture person B who also has an annual income of $70K but does not own property and may have $30K in debt. Although they are each taking in the same amount of money or income yearly, their wealth or net worth is significantly different.
Wealth is in part linked to ownership of property, which is typically passed down through generations and inherited.
If we go back in time, ancestors of black Americans struggled to become property owners after being freed from slavery, as rates to acquire land were hiked up for people of color, while cuts were given to those who were white. Essentially, if you were white you could own more property for less.
Not as much property was made accessible for black and brown people to own, meaning black and brown people today inherit significantly less, widening the wealth gap.
Racism inherently built into the infrastructure of Western culture like the example above, coupled with the pervasive and persistent uses of hate speech, are used to diminish the position of black and brown community members in society.
Even words like “nigger” are asserted to demote people of color and to reinforce a sense of superiority to those who are white. This feeds into the stigma that people who are black are subversive and need to be controlled, while reinforcing that people who are white have the power to dominate and restore order.
The Meaning of Victim-Blaming/Shaming
To look at this unbalanced power dynamic further, we can examine other examples of language that is used to manipulate and minimize: victim-blaming/victim-shaming. Commonly used in cases of sexual assault or rape, victim-blaming/shaming is when a perpetuator commits a crime, yet defends their behavior by criminalizing the person they attacked.
The perpetrator turns the person they attacked into the criminal. This is terrifyingly effective with rape and sexual assault cases because in society women are both objectified and dehumanized. Once a woman is seen as an object of desire or something to be coveted, then she is no longer viewed as a human being. This makes it easier to justify violence against her.
Think of the judge who reprimanded a woman in a rape case by asking her why she couldn’t keep her knees together to prevent the attack. The woman was seen as an object, not a person, ultimately condoning the attack.
Similar to how a rapist has the authority to criminalize, or victim-shame/blame the person they target, people of color are often victim-shamed/blamed for the racism and discrimination that they face. This includes the example mentioned earlier relating to housing, public school systems, and the quality of public education available.
Black and brown people are often blamed for not being able to pull themselves out of economically debilitating situations, although we often do not have the same access to resources–such as quality public education–to easily achieve the same levels of success as white counterparts.
The dehumanization and oppression of black and brown people ultimately leads to victim-shaming/blaming. This then creates a climate to justify violence against people of color, as is the case with the numerous killings of unarmed black and brown people by law enforcement.
Empowerment Through Conscious Change
Though systemic racism is omnipresent, coming up with a solution to eradicate years of oppression is unlikely without cultural shifts. No matter how small the shift is–look at Kaepernick, who by deciding to kneel during the National Anthem, has inspired others across the country to follow in his lead–there is the opportunity for impact.
Thus, while individually I cannot all at once take away from the negativity, hate, and oppression that comes with the word “nigger,” I can choose to no longer give hate speech the power it so inherently desires, and encourage others to do the same. If we all make a conscious effort to rise above the manipulation attempted by hate speech and other victimizing language, we can eventually cause its extinction.
Though some might find this easier said than done, I’m confident that as we continue to grow and evolve as a society, the more we’ll realize that hate speech fundamentally lacks any merit, educational clout, and integrity deserving of a reaction. In the end, we can work to eradicate the intention behind racial slurs and cause them to die out along with their presumed power.
This alone empowers me to keep fighting, as I learn to unshackle the word “nigger” from my American identity.